


Vanilla

by sugarblossom



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblossom/pseuds/sugarblossom
Summary: Just another day.
Relationships: Satoshi | Ash Ketchum & Shirona | Cynthia
Comments: 11
Kudos: 60





	Vanilla

Ash blindly reached out, patting his bed. He opened his eyes, scanning his bedroom. Blinding sunlight mocking his mood. Blank walls where his posters used to be. Boxes of awards. His house was usually a mess, but...

Oh, Pikachu left already. He sighed, clutching his blanket. 

Why is getting up such a chore?

After glancing at his hands, Ash tumbled out of bed. 

It was the usual. Brush his teeth and hair. Don’t look down in the mirror. Wash his face. Conceal himself. Get dressed in a new outfit. Stare at his name sign on the door. Drag himself down to eat breakfast-

No one was in sight. 

Ash blinked in surprise. Did his mom- oh of course she did. He resisted the urge to sigh as he made a quick sandwich and stepped out of his house. 

It felt so unfamiliar.

Ash chuckled to himself. He never belonged here anyway. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

He peeked at his mom’s garden. He glanced back at his mom’s house. He ambled all the way to Professor Oak’s lab.

Taking a deep breath, Ash plastered a grin on his face before forcing himself to step forward into the lab. “Professor?” he yelled. 

Nothing.

Eh, that was normal. It wasn’t like he was smart enough to actually associate with someone like Professor Oak. 

Ash peeked out into the ranch. 

He jumped when party poppers went off. As people cheered and congratulated him, Ash silently stared around the ranch, heart pounding.

Balloons. Cake. Streamers. Tables filled with food. His friends. His pokemon. 

Wait, were those the champions? The professors? What?

Ash grinned. “What’s all this about?” he half-joked. “A toast to being alive?”

Everyone laughed. Ash’s grin wavered for a moment, but he made sure no one saw. 

Looks like he was late to the party, whoops! Hehe. Brock handed Ash a party hat with Pikachus on it while their friends honked party horns.

The next few minutes were a blur. Everyone was coming up to congratulate him. Ash simply smiled, cheering, “I’m so glad everyone’s having fun!”

Oh yeah, he saved the world yesterday, didn’t he? That’s what this was for? He almost forgot about it. Why were they making such a big deal about it? It wasn’t like he hadn’t done it before.

Still, he should be happy, seeing so many of his friends again!

The delicious smell dragged Ash to the food table. Ash stared over all the cupcakes and candy and ice cream and cookies piled neatly on top of it. Why didn’t anyone tell him? Tsk, of course they didn’t tell him, why would they?

Was that a vanilla cake- Were those malasadas and croquette sandwiches?! He should be happy!

As he inhaled a plate of malasadas, he watched everyone interact with each other. His pokemon next to his friends. His mom going around and greeting everyone. The champions and professors chatting with each other. Pikachu had a bottle of ketchup in his paws. Ash grinned as he watched Pikachu play with the other pokemon.

He didn’t belong anywhere, huh? It wasn’t like it was  _ un _ expected. So who cared?

Ash’s heart twinged. 

This should be the happiest day of his life! ...His emotions said otherwise. 

When he thought no one was looking, Ash set down his empty plate and rubbed his face with a silent sigh. He didn’t have enough energy to deal with this. He also shouldn’t interrupt their party, of course.

Ash pushed aside a Pikachu balloon. He walked away. 

Where was he going? 

Ash ran a hand through his hair. 

He stared up at the trees. There was not a single pokemon in sight. Even the local pidgey flock was at the party as well, huh?

Stopped at a spot in the middle of nowhere, Ash sighed.

Letting down his guard, he revealed his scars. Vanilla pale claw slashes. Small pricks from poison attacks. Sunken pokemon bite scars. Raised burn scars. Large webs of electricity strikes. The ache of frostbite. The itch of new wounds.

Ash rubbed his arms, eyebrows furrowed. 

“Hey Ash! Why aren’t you back-” Cynthia started, two bowls of vanilla ice cream in her hands.

Ash startled, placing a hand over his racing heart. “Don’t scare me like that!” Cynthia tilted her head. “Once is enough. Especially after...”

“I apologize.” Voice softening, Cynthia asked, “Are you feeling alright? You don’t even have your Pikachu with you-” 

“I don’t know!” Ash exclaimed with a grin, subconsciously scratching at his scars. After glancing around, Cynthia handed Ash a bowl of ice cream, eyes drawn to Ash’s arms. 

Silence.

Ash glanced off, eyes a panicked storm. “Yeah, it’s what happens when I’m forced to use aura to save the world. Nothing unusual, don’t worry.” 

Cynthia stared down at her ice cream. “I’m sorry.” Ash stayed silent, only poking at his ice cream with his spoon. “I’ve just… never seen you this way before.”

“Heh, because I’m always so positive? There’s nothing positive about my scars.” Rubbing his face, Ash sighed before forcing a grin. “Using aura does this to you.” While Cynthia stared at him, Ash took a bite of his ice cream. It was  _ supposed  _ to be sweet.

“...Well, your scars mean you’re still here, right? You haven’t died-”

“Oh, I have.”

Cynthia nearly dropped her bowl of ice cream. “Yesterday?”

Ash shrugged, shaking his bowl back and forth. “It doesn’t matter.”

“But- should we get you to a hospital-”

“I said it doesn’t matter. I’ve dealt with it before.” As Cynthia stared at Ash, Ash forced himself to take another bite of his ice cream.

“...If you need any help, you’re welcome to talk to us. Any of us.” Cynthia awkwardly ate her ice cream.

Ash side-eyed Cynthia, trailing a finger across his scars. “Because I saved the world again? It’s not like it’s anything special.” He paused for a moment. “Please don’t think I’m bragging, I’m literally telling the truth.”

Cynthia swirled her ice cream. “And you only just officially became an adult in all of the regions?” She watched Ash sit down on the grass, almost petting the earth like it was a pokemon. “We can’t thank you enough.”

Ash stiffened, gripping his bowl tighter. Cynthia raised an eyebrow, taking a seat as well. “You don’t really mean that.”

“Why- what makes you think that?”

Balancing the ice cream bowl in one hand, Ash twirled his other hand. “You know, it’s my duty to save the world. No one really thanks me for it, you know? Not even the legendaries, even though they’re usually the ones getting me into these messes.” He subconsciously rubbed his wrist, tapping up his arm. 

“Oh Arceus. How long…?”

“I saw Ho-oh on the first day of my journey, what do you think?”

Silence.

Cynthia continued eating her ice cream, not knowing what to say.

“You don’t know what I’m going through, huh?” Ash grinned, tapping the top of his ice cream with his spoon.

Cynthia tapped Ash’s bowl with her own. “No, but I can offer my compassion. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Because you like to learn about legendaries?”

“Because I care about you.” Ash stayed silent. Cynthia gestured with her spoon. “With everything you must be going through, you must be dealing with a lot! You’re allowed to complain about it, you know. Even today, if that’s what you’re worried about that.” Cynthia winked at Ash. “Thanks for all the ice cream, by the way.”

“What?” Ash chuckled, scooping some ice cream. Cynthia only stared at him. “Wait, you’re serious? Please, life goes on, there’s no use in complaining!” Ash shrugged, eating his ice cream. “I’m not that sort of person either. I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, I’m no longer that immature.”

“I don’t care that you turn eighteen today-”

“Wait, today’s my birthday?” Ash furrowed his eyebrows, his spoon clinking against the bowl. “What date is it?”

Cynthia raised an eyebrow, fidgeting with her spoon. “...May 22nd.”

Ash gasped, grinning. “Oh! Then yeah, I guess you’re right!” Casually eating his ice cream, Ash tucked his legs in. “Why does this day feel nothing special? When did the time pass so quickly? Wow… I never thought I’d be an adult. Still be alive.” Cynthia winced. “Yeah welp there goes my childhood I guess. Not that I ever had…” Ash stared up at the treetops. “No wonder my mom… Heh, all this time, have I been-” Ash cut himself off when glancing at Cynthia. “Uh, yeah, cool. That’s enough venting from me.”

“Do you really think bottling it up is better?” Ash’s face instinctively goes blank. Cynthia scooped some of her ice cream. “It’s alright if it’s not to me. I just want you to-”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, of course!” Ash’s grin trembled. “Quite the opposite.”

Cynthia tilted her head. “Sure, putting stress onto others is unhealthy, and complaining in general doesn’t necessarily solve your problems, but it’s alright to express your feelings!” She made herself comfortable, eating her ice cream while staring at Ash.

“Ok.” Continuing to grin, Ash yelled, “I’m grateful for my life! My life is great! I’ve got so many wonderful friends, family, food, a house! I’m… apparently now an adult! I should be happy!” To emphasize his point, Ash lifted his bowl of ice cream.

“But you’re not?” Ash froze. “It’s normal to feel negative. It doesn’t make you weak or childish.”

“How did you-” Cynthia doesn’t look at Ash, only silently finishing her bowl of ice cream. “Never mind…” Ash watched the bottom of his ice cream melt into a puddle. “I  _ should  _ be excited for the future.”

Cynthia blinked, watching Ash tip his bowl back and forth like covering a pan with oil. “Oh, big changes, right?”

Ash glanced off. “I’m not ready. But what can I do about it?” He shrugged. “Maybe Celebi or Dialga could grant me a favor, but what I really want is for time to slow down. I already want to get off this roller coaster ride called life.” Cynthia’s eyes widened. Ash chuckled to himself, shaking his head and tapping the side of his bowl with his spoon. “I still can’t believe it.”

“Are you… nervous?” Ash meekly nodded. Cynthia smiled, waving with her bowl. “That’s totally valid. I know it’s a big decision to move out of your home-”

“But this was never my home. I don’t consider anywhere to be my home, actually.” Ash’s hands trembled for a moment. “So why is this so hard?” Cynthia pursed her lips as Ash sighed before grinning. “No, I know. I’ve always known. The future’s unknown!” Ash glided his ice cream on top of its melted puddle. “Will I be happy? Will I continue trying to be the pokemon master? Will I continue…” He held his arms closer to his chest. “Will my friends still be here? Will I continue feeling this way? Will I actually survive being on my own? I mean sure, I have Pikachu, but still...”

Cynthia lightly tossed her bowl up and down. “Even if you’re on your own, you’re never alone.” Ash peeked up at Cynthia. “We’ll still be with you every step of the way.” Ash’s shoulders relaxed. “So uh, about your home...”

“My house? What about it?” Ash subconsciously pressed his ice cream down with his spoon like playing whack a mole.

“Even if you haven’t spent much time here in the last few years, you still grew up here. It’s no question that you’ll miss it.”

“...In a way, I don’t.” Ash grinned, but his eyes were blank. “Considering I don’t really belong here either.” Cynthia glanced around them, raising an eyebrow. “But that’s not astonishing. I don’t really belong anywhere.” Ash laughed, stretching out his legs. “Was that?”

“What?”

Ash shook his head. “You all have everything figured out. Your jobs, your lives. I mean, sure, I’m the Alola Champion, but what more than that?” He scooped some of his melted ice cream, dripping it back into the bowl. “Do any of you feel like an outsider?”

“As I said before, you’re never alone.” Cynthia reached forward and tapped Ash’s nose. “Sure, it may look like we’ve got our lives together, but you don’t know that-”

“Sorry.”

Cynthia patted Ash’s shoulder. “The point is, it’s alright if you’re feeling lost and confused. We understand how that feels!” She shrugged, casually twirling her bowl. “No one actually knows what they’re doing either. So it’s totally normal to feel overwhelmed by the future. You’ll be alright, I promise. Oh, I can help-” 

“Is this only because I saved the world?” Cynthia blinked. “I already told you I’ve done it without getting anything in return, it’s alright.” Ash glanced off into the forest, subconsciously digging his nails into his arm to ground himself. “It’s sort of my job anyway.”

“No, It’s not just because you saved the world. It’s because you deserve it for being a good person.”

Ash stared at his ice cream. “No good person would be so selfish as to focus on themselves as much as I do,” Ash droned with a grin. “Thank you for listening, it’s enough.”

“That’s not being selfish, that’s self-care. And we all care for you! If you don’t realize that, then it’s  _ definitely  _ not enough.”

“If I don’t care for myself, why would you guys?”

“Because you’re not caring for yourself.”

Ash stiffened. “So why should you guys?” Before Cynthia could say anything, Ash stood up and turned around. “I don’t deserve any of you anyway. It doesn’t matter if you actually care for me-”

“I’m  _ actually  _ going to complain to Arceus. Of course I care for you!” Ash didn’t say anything. Cynthia stepped next to Ash, watching him sniffle. A teardrop fell into Ash’s ice cream bowl. “Are you-”

“No.”

“So you admit it?”

“What? Of course I’m not crying,” Ash murmured while wiping his face. “I’m not a kid.”

“...Have you gotten a break since-”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Cynthia reached out a hand. Ash leaned against Cynthia’s side, hugging his ice cream bowl to his chest. Cynthia hugged Ash, ruffling his hair. “It’s ok to cry, you know.” Ash tapped the edge of his bowl, messy tears welling and spilling. “And for your information, we really do care for you. All of us.” Ash hiccuped, shaking his head. “No, whether you believe or not, it’s a fact.” Cynthia glanced back at where they came from. “Why else would we set up your 18th birthday party-”

“Wait, the party’s for me?” Cynthia froze, hugging Ash tighter. “Like, it wasn’t just celebrating everyone being alive after yesterday?”

“It’s celebrating the fact that  _ you’re _ still alive. We’re proud of you.”

Ash burst out blubbering, bowl wobbling in his hands. “But you shouldn’t-”

“But we are. We’re so proud you’re still here.” Ash rubbed his arm, trying to stifle his tears and fears. Cynthia met Ash’s eyes, gesturing with her spoon. “You’re strong enough to overcome  _ everything _ you’ve gone through. You can be proud of it too!”

“I… I don’t know, I just… I’m too used to saving the world, I… Is it really something to be proud of? I… Do I really belong here?”

“Of course! I am…  _ definitely _ going to yell at Arceus. Yes!” Cynthia jokingly tapped Ash’s head with her ice cream bowl.

Ash smiled, wiping his tears and glancing down at his bowl. “Maybe later.” Cynthia furrowed her eyebrows. “Can… I go get some more ice cream?” he asked, bobbing his spoon up and down.

Cynthia stuck her tongue out at him. “Not unless I do as well!” Ash burst out laughing. 

Home was where the heart is. And Ash’s heart belonged with those he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by The Way to Nowhere and Older, both by Alec Benjamin!   
> I was supposed to finish this a week ago for Ash’s birthday, oh well *shrug*


End file.
